Unveil: Unveil #1 ★

19 chapters / 57757 words

Approximately about 5 hours to read

Description:

First draft in progress. 64% complete.
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There’s a shop tucked into the folds of the Bronx where a single book can change a life forever…


I never meant to do it. I never meant to buy the book. I walked inside and the old lady who was running the store looked like she was going to attack me if I didn’t purchase it. It was only five dollars. Five dollars for what would change my life. Five dollars for what would teach me to control my dreams.


The book says there’s more of them–more people who have the special power to work with dreams. I think they’re right, because the boy who sits next to me in chem class and the new girl in school both have it. The haggard look in their eyes that says they're sick of not getting any sleep at night–and the mark on the back of their neck, which anyone else would think is a tattoo…


Let me put it this way: they’re not exactly the most kickass companions for me to figure out my destiny, or whatever it is I’m supposed to do. But they’re all I have, because when that innocent little book starts backfiring on me I have no other choice.


I have to act.

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What if you could control your dreams?
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Cover/banner by the amazing Christy Sarin. First draft started 6/20/16.

Genres: Action, Novel, Contemporary

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Comments {26}

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9 months ago Bella said:

I love your story unveil! It has great description and truth behind it. Please read Buffy Saves Her Mom, if you could and make comments.

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about 1 year ago X.L. Chandler said:

Jesus, I am speechless! Which is why I'm writing this. Anyway, this is so wonderfully written, I love how you described everyone. For a split second, my heart felt like it was gonna jump out of my chest and say "See, I told you!" Then give me a lecture about whatever the topic is at the moment. Which is a good thing! Trust me, I don't like a lot of things. I LIKE this. *thumbs up*

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about 1 year ago Reza Behzadi said:

Thank you for taking the time to share all of that great information with me (پیکر تراشی). Your support, encouragement and advice have been extremely helpful (چسب صنعتی). I now feel confident that I’ve applied to the colleges that are the best fit for me and the degree I will be pursuing (ترخیص کالا از گمرک). Once the acceptance letters arrive, I will drop by to share the outcome (آموزش دوچرخه سواری). When it comes to high school guidance counselors, you’re simply the best!

Ry

over 1 year ago Ryanne Kap said:

I read the first chapter, and wow. You totally had me hooked. As I was reading, I had the sense that I couldn't trust whatever was going on - you set the mood with that perfect epitaph, and as the action continued I found myself really engaged but also wary, wondering what twist was going to happen next. I immediately liked the protagonist, and the dynamics between her and Asher and her and Nathan were drawn very clearly. There were a few sentences that could've been phrased better, but the descriptions and characters were great. Wonderful start!

Reviews {35}

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about 1 year ago Autumn Leigh said:

I write as read so this isn't very structured I like the quote at the start, it hints that the story is going to be based on dreams, and being inside them. I like your first sentence, it leaves a lot unknown to the reader and this engages them in your story well. In the sentence: "when I open them again all that is gone" I think there should be a comma between again and all.

As for setting, I like the contrast between the beach, where she is calm, and New York, where she is scared. However, to improve this contrast further, I think you could of described New York more vividly using imagery, in order for it to sound even scarier for the character, as it was not her plan to end up there.

In the fight scene, I find the dialogue a little awkward. "you already know I'm fired up" sounds like a line from a super hero movie and that doesn't fit the setting. Gabi also doesn't seem too afraid in the situation, although she is too scared to run, there is no description of the thoughts going through her head. i think a little added description of what is in her mind would be really useful here. Another thing I found is that because you use short paragraphs all the way through, the short paragraphs in the action scene doesn't speed up the pace of the story. Try and have a larger range in paragraph length.

Lastly, I really enjoyed reading this, it had a really nice flow and an intriguing plot line, I'm considering reading the whole thing to see what happens. Your chapter has a predictable cliffhanger at the end, but this still raises questions for the reader which i think is very effective. Overall, your story was very easy to read and that is always hard to achieve. Good job, I rally enjoyed it.

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about 1 year ago Robyn A. said:

Hello! You asked to a do a swap? I can see you’re serious about this book and it’s a very long chapter, so let’s get started, shall we?

Right off: I love the Poe quote, it’s one of my favorites, but I’m not certain it does well at the beginning of the chapter. Maybe on a page before the actual book starts? Including a quote right before it sets a tone for the chapter (as its Poe and a rather nihilistic poem of Poe’s it sets a rather gloomy tone) and when it’s something as well-known as this one it can distract from your writing. Really it’s all personal preference in the end.

Your first sentence is captivating which is very important. It seems very mysterious, and you carry that tone well throughout the book. Is the beach a special reference for the book? I’ve never found beaches a good mystery setting, though I know the book is more an action/adventure, I feel like keeping the setting as mysterious as the tone you start with is important. If you want to keep it romantic, but still mysterious I like clock towers, cottages, or large romantic gardens. I think that referencing how she controls the vision as a switch is interesting. Switches normally only have two settings (on or off) so using it for so many things that aren’t just on or off is interesting. One switch and Asher is there, another and he’s closer, another and there’s a jacket. The strange man is interesting, and keeps up the mystery theme. The dialogue seems clumsy and unrealistic. I don’t know anyone that says “You already know I’m fired up”. It doesn’t seem like a realistic conversation, nor a place to have a conversation. The switch between scenes is interesting. I’d advise putting in a chapter break here honestly because they’re so different, but again personal preference. I’d like a bit more show not tell with the description of Asher. Also knowing that Asher is regularly in her life and she’s forcing herself to dream about him makes her seem a bit stalker-esque, if not Bella Swan reminiscent. The inhale at the hug does not help this image. The conversation between Nathan, blonde girl, Asher and Gab seems superficial. Like it’s filler even though it should be helping to move the story along. It makes your characters seem very Mary and Gary Sue-ish. The watch remains a good mystery, and I’m excited to earn more about it. The wonderful cliff hanger at the end regarding the tattoos ensures your readers will continue to read further. It was overall an engaging read!

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