Charlie Bit Me

1 chapter / 891 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

GRAND PRIZE WINNER of Figment's #dysfunctionalfamily contest!!

Genres: Writing, Short Story

Tags: dysfunctionalfamily

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Comments {17}

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Ca1

over 1 year ago Twiggy Lee said:

This was so creepy to read that I still have chills! This to me reflects some of the horror I read from Stephen King (mostly his short stories anyway). I keep bending my fingers lol omg. this story deserves more then just figment propss!!

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almost 2 years ago Jorel Newsome said:

Another story about a video that elicits the creepiest,strangest and horrifying responses from the characters involved and culminates into a nicely crafted creepy tale. Well done! your writing style lends itself to accurately portraying the tension and grotesque occurrences in such a vivid yet not so embellished way...in the sense that less is more...Again well done!

Nobody

almost 2 years ago Clare Jane said:

This is amazing

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almost 2 years ago SarahKLee said:

Ugh, so awful!! BUT SO WELL DONE! Gives me the jitters. Awesome job! So glad you won!

Reviews {2}

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12 months ago Joy said:

That was AWESOME! It was such a good twist but of course sad that a Mother couldn't even given them attention to the point the oldest does something so cruel to gain it. It was just brilliant! I am more of telling you how I feel about the story kind of gal, not the grammar type but what I saw was ok. I thought even though you used the right punctuation that the second paragraph was drawn out with the commas and semi colons. I kind of just read on through looking for the period but it was still a great story. Good Writing, Joy

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almost 2 years ago Neta Barsade said:

Absolutely terrible -- but in a good way, this time. There are several things I think should be changed, but it's a stylistic idea and therefore is completely subjective to each writer. First of all, I think the ending would be far more effective if you move the whole scene of the mother finding Ronald's finger to the end. Start with the whole scenario of her watching the politics and ignoring her children. Then build up to the ending where Charlie bites Ronald and Mother finds the finger.

Secondly, in the third paragraph, you write "about politics she either couldn't care less about or vehemently disagreed with".

I have a suggestion that might sound better and will simplify the whole thing: "about politics she neither cared for nor agreed with."

That's all I have to say. Overall, great story.

Neta.

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