Approximately 4 minutes to read
Uhm...I wrote this story for the molecules competition and it kinda scares me. Rose Dilbert wants to create a balance between her twin sister's world and her own. The measures she takes are...sickening yet artistic.
Writing, Thriller, Short Story
This story made me:
over 2 years ago Mothusi Mopie said:
Heyy Chessi, thanks for taking your time to read the story :)
an thanks even more for the heart
over 2 years ago chessi maria said:
Wow! This is told with a dark, twisting voice. 'Black Rose' fits amazingly well as a title. You flushed out Rose's character deeply even though the whole story wasn't from her direct point of view. There are so many people in the world who are overlooked, overweight, and/or kept in the shadow of a sibling. It seems like, symbolically, Rose is calling attention to them all. I almost didn't heart this--not because it isn't an amazingly woven story, but because it was so chilling that it brought anything but hearts and love to my mind. Were the words that start and end the story your own? They're incredibly poetic! Anyway, it was a dark, chilling story and really well written. Good luck with the contest!
Hi Corey. Thanks a million for the review and commentary :)
That's actualy a pretty good oint. I'll have to give some thought as to how o make corrections
over 2 years ago Corey M Smith said:
I glad to have read that, as it was well told and wrapped itself up nicely by the end.I won't spoil anything here in the comments, I highly suggest a read.
over 2 years ago Underangel said:
Definitely a great piece of work. The seeing inside Rose's head gave me an incredibly new and scary look at how someone would be driven murder. A little revising for good story flow would help the story, but what it really needs is more writing. What happens next? I need to know. Show me the rest of Rose's mind.
Through my second reading I however found something that felt out of place, or more to say incorrect by definition. At one point you speak of no evidence being discovered, which the reader knows isn't true. As the last paragraph contradicts that sentence. I do not wish to spoil anything for the sake of this nitpick, so here's a (SPOILER WARNING). Everyone stop reading this comment till you read his work. Alright, now with that out the way, evidence was found on the scene of the crime, the rose carving was evidence. If they had no evidence then they could not say what they were looking for with any clarity. They figured it was a killer, not a suicide because of it.
Besides that small error, I did rather enjoy this story.