Shadow Scale Contest -Alleita

1 chapter / 777 words

Approximately 4 minutes to read

Description:

Love is a mysterious thing, especially when you know that fate was destined to rip you apart...

Genres: Writing, Fantasy, Short Story

Tags: shadowscale

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Comments {5}

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over 2 years ago Sammi L. said:

This is an great piece. I enjoyed reading it! The idea is intriguing, and the execution, for the most part, was very good. There were a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing too major. The third to last paragraph begins with 'Was' which is a little strange; maybe take a look over it. Other than that, I don't really have any suggestions. Great job!

Sunrise

over 2 years ago P.J. Buck said:

The only thing that I would recomend is being less discrptive one some parts and more descriptive on the characters. But other than that this was a great story and a great contest entry.

Great job.

54887-lonely-girl

over 2 years ago Hana said:

This would benefit from further details of her surroundings, as well as the disposition of other pack members. Also, a little more description of her "change" would be nice, as well. Other than that, I found no trouble reading and loving this piece!

Sydney profilepic

over 2 years ago Sydney Lacroix said:

For our Swap:

Hmmm. This isn't something I would usually read, and I was confused about most of it. I mean, it started off in third person, but then it went to first, and then there was shapeshifting, and then she was going to die, but then wasn't going to die, and then it ended. BUT HOW DO I EVEN KNOW IT WAS A GIRL UNTIL THE HUNTER SAID 'Miss'?! Sorry, got a little carried away there. I kind of liked this, if I went back two or three years, I would've loved it. Thanks, and have a nice day!

~Sydney

Reviews {2}

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over 2 years ago Etienne W said:

The story telling is a bit confusing as you sometimes don't flesh out the scene or give the reader an idea of the surroundings or what's going on. You have some commas in places that commas aren't needed, but all in all it was an intriguing story and I would absolutely read more.

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over 2 years ago ~DreamCatcher~ said:

Nice story. Really nice story. I liked it very much.

So, constructive critism time. Actually, they're all just suggestions.

When the guy starts speaking, I think you should begin another paragraph. So to not make the paragraph too clumped.

The last sentence the guy spoke,"Wolves and woodland creatures everywhere." You should add a with in front of it. It sounds better and makes more sense, I guess.

Maybe you could, like describe more how or since when Alleila (pardon me if I mispelled the name) fell in love with the guy? Like if it was love at first sight or something?

It's a good enough story. I liked it.

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