Lonely Magic

1 chapter / 652 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read


Entry for the Shadow Scale contest. #shadowscale
A winner in the Shadow Scale Contest!! :)

Genres: Writing, Short Story

Tags: shadowscale

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Comments {2}

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about 2 years ago B. H. Mallorie said:

I'm not going to pretend that I am a expert on writing, but I thought this story was well thought out, and very intriguing. The first suggestion I would have is that there wasn't really a reason for the man to turn the horse into a bird. I completely understand that you're under a word limit (and that you're about one hundred words away from it), but it's just something to think about. I loved the ending. It left just enough open that reader could tell that the story didn't end there. To clarify the ending, though, you could add in at least a hint about what age group the teacher taught. Thanks for the nice words on my story. Bri

Rachael 01

about 2 years ago R. E. Durbin said:

Nice story. I liked that it was from an animal's POV. It made it more interesting.

I do have a few suggestions, but please keep in mind that they're only my own opinion and if you don't agree you can toss em into the virtual trash bin.

1) The ending, where it changed to the humans POV, was a bit abrupt. Perhaps you could put a few astrics (***) to show that there's going to be a different POV.

2) I know there's probably a word limit, but if you have a some extra, maybe you can add in more details about flying.

Those two small things aside, I thought you did a good job in this. The horse learned to appreciate both lives. Nice.

Keep up the writing.

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