Approximately 1 minute to read
Breathe. One of the simplest yet hardest things to do.
Writing, Drama, Short Story
This story made me:
over 2 years ago Staci Wright said:
This piece is absolutely phenomenal baby girl. Your heart is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing also congratulations on the recommendation...
over 2 years ago Brandi Wood Bryan said:
Absolutely wonderful. Great Job
over 2 years ago Alena Parker said:
AHHH CONGRATS!!!!! :D Totally deserved!! :)
over 2 years ago Hillary Holloway said:
This is incredible. I love the quote that you used and the metaphor of the cigarette. It's so emotional and well written.
over 2 years ago E. Anderson said:
Very passionate-it makes me feel as if i am the one living her type of hellish life. Her experiences are deeply thought out and written down and her thoughts are real. Very good piece of lit.
over 2 years ago Campion said:
Wow, your writing is beautiful - there were points there (mainly the beginning) where I really felt something. I think the author's ability to make her readers feel emotions just from reading words is the most incredible ability she can have. Also, love the commentary on the word always - I think that's something a lot of people resent when they're struggling, and you put it into words very well.
Having said that, a few critiques: as Jennifer said before me, the quote isn't entirely explained, but I think if you add the author it could be an easy fix. Also, your grammar is pretty spot on, but in the second sentence you write that the memories "is" and you want to write that the memories "are" (again, super easy to fix). Finally, that last sentence didn't pack as much impact as I would hope... Try something more concise, or cutting. For example "I have yet to perfect my own mask, but I'll get there. You'll see." So not necessary that exactly (obviously) but something more jarring. And if you could, it would be really cool to read some of the character's back story, like what's making her depressed and whatnot, although the ambiguity is cool because then it could apply to anyone.
Gosh that seems like a lot of critiques. Honestly though, I was thoroughly impressed with this piece. Nicely done! =)