Approximately 3 minutes to read
Winner of the Bright Places contest
Memoir, Short Story, Flash Fiction
This story made me:
9 months ago Regina V. Willoughby said:
This gave me goose bumps wish there were more to read
over 2 years ago Ashlie L said:
I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this, and I wish I had read it sooner. Your descriptions were great and I could clearly picture everything, almost like I was there alongside your character. I do think that it would sound better if you cut out the opening sentence. Starting of with "Her hands were trembling..." might do a better job of getting the reader's attention. Just my opinion though. Either way, I enjoyed this. Great work.
over 2 years ago Holly Hall said:
Wow. I truly loved this. In fact, the piece reminded me a lot of the snow you described in the piece; soft and quiet, yet still striking and impacting.
It was so sweet and simple, yet as I read the final line, I really felt this story. You did such a great job of evoking emotion in me with such a short piece. You also did a wonderful job with description. I could definitely picture myself in the place, and even felt the coldness!
over 2 years ago Poisoned Little Apple said:
This is really good. I enjoyed this and wish it was longer. You're a good writer
10 months ago Joy said:
This story was very descriptive and lured me right in. It was beautiful, yours words just seemed to flow. I was unsure of the ending but I was probably having a dumb moment, so don't worry,
Please continue with your writing and never give up.
over 2 years ago L. L. Violette said:
Bonsoir! So glad to finally get a chance to read something from the bright places set. To business.
First of all, this had a good, snowy feeling. I like the way you opened it. It sort of puts the reader in a warm, fuzzy mood. You reveal just enough about your MC in the first few paragraphs: file under, appreciated. Everything seems sublime until the second character enters.
Up to this point, I thought the story was moving along nicely, but even though adding in your second character explained away all the hints earlier, it felt rather like dropping a bomb and shattering the magic of the scene. All that fantastical build-up for a mere romance? I admit I'm not one for typically fluffy authorship, and I saw in this a potential for greatness. Nevertheless, I suppose I can overcome my dislike of the reveal to admit that you incorporated all this quite well.
It was a cute piece, and it was a bright place. The only wish I have for this is a deeper sense of mystery. I pray you don't take offense for my earlier comments. You truly breathed a sense of majesty and mystique into this, at least at the beginning and at the nice denouement and tying up of lose ends at the last part. Perhaps you'll rethink the cliche of the bright place remaining bright only so long as it is shared with another. Or perhaps that was the intent of this story and I missed it.
Regardless, you write well. Best of luck!