Dry Ice

1 chapter / 1707 words

Approximately 9 minutes to read

Description:

Cliff Hut is a mysterious boy that's captured the curiosity of Claudette Penn, a girl in his grade. Claudette nearly feels attracted to him and his perplexity. What lengths will she go to to find out what this unfathomable boy is hiding?

Genres: Mystery, Thriller, Short Story

Tags: dry ice danger burn burn marks lost love

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Comments {6}

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Wild thoughts

over 2 years ago iio said:

Really nice, loved it. Detail was very nice!

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about 3 years ago Marissa LaPorte said:

It ended really abruptly. I think that you should write "HE moved away" "I still think about him sometimes" or something to that effect. It would bee a smoother letdown from the rest of your story.

At times the characters acted in a way that was TOO typical and cliche. For example: I need to tell you something but not here. Come with me!"

I really did like the plot though it was an interesting read for sure.

Marsface avatar

about 3 years ago Mars said:

I have to agree with Tibby; I'd have liked some more description. However, this was an interesting read. I think it would be worth continuing! It's too bad it ended so soon.

Good job!

Eh

about 3 years ago Brooke Larson said:

Ooh, this is interesting. You could certainly drag this out, even with what you have! I was confused in the beginning because I was like, woah he seems like the stalker not her lol but I was definitely corrected xD you could add so much to just this. More emotion, more things that happen through the day, more thoughts. It's excellent so far! :3

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about 3 years ago Pseudonym said:

This was pretty well-done. I would have liked it to have more description, though. I'm getting a sense of deja vu... it seems very similar to the movie 'Twilight', but I can't say for sure that's what you based it on.

Their overall emotions seemed slightly quick/dramatic, like everything was happening too fast. The ending seemed very rushed as well, and it kind of left me with a sense of "huh?"

But I still think it's a great story, and full of potential. With a few more details sprinkled in, it would make it even better. Keep it up!

Mehe

about 3 years ago Tibby Kay said:

That was really interesting, though I would have liked a bit more description to it. Perhaps adding a bit on the beginning, not just jumping straight into the thick of it.

There were a few minor grammar problems, but those are easily overlooked. This really made me curious what's really going on. If you ever lengthen this, let me know!(:

~Tibby

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