Unnatural Planet

1 chapter / 534 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

My short story for the mythical world contest. I'm proud to say that it was one of the winners.

Genres: Writing, Fantasy, Short Story

Tags: mythicalworld

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4 months ago Holly S. said:

I love the amount of color that is in this world! A longer, ending maybe? To me, if the dragons have been helping me find a portal home, then I would have a more heartfelt ending. Other than that, amazing imagery! Love it!

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over 2 years ago Micheal said:

This was a really great read but I think you could do the ending a longer.

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over 2 years ago Callum Charlton said:

This is not bad at all! I am usually really skeptical about reading anything that dares leap into the realm of fantasy and mythology but I was genuinely intrigued through this, can see how it won for sure.

I do however believe that the flow is somewhat awkward? Try reading it aloud to yourself and you should see what I mean. The start also seems a little clunky with the 'rust coloured grass' which is a beautiful simile, however would read better if presented as a metaphor instead? 'The rusting grass' or 'short blades of rust erupting from the ground'?

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over 2 years ago Callum Charlton said:

This is not bad at all! I am usually really skeptical about reading anything that dares leap into the realm of fantasy and mythology but I was genuinely intrigued through this, can see how it won for sure.

I do however believe that the flow is somewhat awkward? Try reading it aloud to yourself and you should see what I mean. The start also seems a little clunky with the 'rust coloured grass' which is a beautiful simile, however would read better if presented as a metaphor instead? 'The rusting grass' or 'short blades of rust erupting from the ground'?

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about 1 month ago Wiwaxia said:

I love the metaphors and the vibrant imagery. You truly succeeded in embellishing this simple and almost cliche topic into a work of art with your poetic use of language. If I had to choose a flaw it is in the theme that you lavished the literary devices on, since the awesome descriptions call for a story deeper and richer in color and drama. I can't wait to read Human Nature.

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almost 3 years ago W.J. Hastings said:

This was a nice piece to read and I liked spending a few minutes in this world of the dragons! I think if you could sacrifice a few words somewhere and squeeze some in on how the lead character felt on finally finding the portal and leaving the dragons behind the end could be stronger. Well done - W.J.

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