Approximately 3 minutes to read
This story made me:
over 3 years ago Andrew Klintworth said:
The girl's brain was like, " Y'all going to make me lose my mind up in here, up in here" I liked how you described the room.
over 3 years ago Lily Hanke said:
Darn it I want to know what's behind the door! I liked how you keep it simple,and it makes the story more interesting. The conclusion left me wanting more.
over 3 years ago Mariah Fehringer said:
I loved this idea. The ending was great. You did an awesome job with describing how the door was making her go insane.
over 3 years ago Lydia Nixon said:
You are really good at surprise endings! You had me convinced this was headed in a certain direction, then that subtle twist took it in a different direction that I definitely was not expecting. You also did a fantastic job of making your image the focus of your story.
There were a few typos (e.g. “of” instead of “off”), so just make sure to check over carefully; punctuation mistakes can be confusing for the reader.
Also, there were 1-2 paragraphs where you began several sentences with the word “I.” Try to avoid starting too many sentences with the same word (even when writing in first person narrative and the word is “I”); it gets repetitive.
over 3 years ago Katie Miller said:
Behind the Door
- Be careful not to use the same sentence structure every time. More of your sentences start with “I” and it can sound redundant and awkward when read, which is a shame considering your word choice is so good! So just fix that up, and you’ll be able to improve your writing tremendously.
- That ending is incredible, despite my music playing an extremely inappropriate song at the moment. I really had no idea it was going on that direction. Agh! I love it. That’s such a cool way to do it. It’s the perfect kind of story for a flash fiction piece. You’re really getting good at this. ;)