Approximately 2 minutes to read
One of ten winning Animal Rights Contest entries. The story of a young girl set to take over her family's puppy mill.
Writing, Flash Fiction, Short Story
This story made me:
over 3 years ago Hannah Murphy said:
Interesting job and a very sad story about the relationship between a girl and her father. I think you must have cleaned up the grammar on from the previous comments as I thought you did an awesome job, no complaints from me but grammar has never been nor never will be my strong point xD. Props to you for reshaping the work based on the comments, it's obvious you're keen to make it the best it can be!
On a personal note some of this was a little adjective heavy for me- 'unbidden' tears and 'joyously' playing when the impact comes in the verbs and the nouns especially when it comes from the point of view of what I have to assume is a rather young child written in present tense as opposed to distant recollections, but stylistically I can see how it suits your way writing. Something about the father's speech was a little odd to me too, perhaps it was the lack of contractions making it sound more formal but that's a choice too I guess xD
Interesting insight into the world of puppy mills actually and like I said before the relationship aspect was one of my favorite parts of this.
over 3 years ago Jimmy said:
Regarding the first comment, I'm pretty sure the main character is going along with her dad but plans on running the place how she wants to when she takes over.
The story was well thought out. There were a few grammatical mistakes especially pertaining to tenses that when cleaned up will help the story flow better.
My favorite part was how you mirrored the dog being afraid and backing into the barn with the daughter being afraid and backing into the barn. Powerful.
over 3 years ago L. B. Oldine said:
This was so sad, but it was really good. An interesting twist for the contest, but I wonder if you strayed too far. The contest asks for an animal activist, someone to fight for the animals, and your character seems to just give in to the abuse in the end. I'd find a way to change it.
Keep Writing. :)
5 months ago Ganesh Kumar said:
J.C. Marie this legacy book you have shared was so informative.--EEE
almost 2 years ago Lola Gant said: