Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Take Me In

1 chapter / 679 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

He's done. He's leaving. And he's going back to the city he once shunned. Inspired completely by the song "I And Love And You" by the Avett Brothers. You could call it a songfic.

Genres: Short Story

Tags: avett brothers songfic sad new york brooklyn i and love and you

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Comments {20}

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almost 5 years ago Jori Kellow said:

Wow! This is a really unique idea, and I love your writing. The characters are also very well developed. :)

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almost 5 years ago Rawnie the Braveheart said:

I love music, and stories based off of songs. Great job on yours!

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almost 5 years ago Kelly Woodard said:

This is such a great story. I love the description. I thought it was sad that Amy and himself couldn't work in out. Very unique and creative! Good job! :)

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almost 5 years ago Nikita said:

This was really interesting! I love you placed the lines in between. Good job, I really liked it! :)

Reviews {2}

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almost 5 years ago Garima Gupta said:

This was great and I loved how you included the song lyrics in between the story! That was very unique and made this stand out to me! My only suggestion would be to work on some of your transitions to help the story flow together better!

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almost 5 years ago Stephanie Nicole said:

This was a very interesting story and I loved how you used a song and turned it into a story! It adds a touch of uniqueness to a story that isn't of the most original variety.

The writing was great, and there weren't any grammar mistakes, at least none that really stood out to me. I don't have a lot to say about this story, sine it was already so well done. Just two things that I think you could possibly improve on.

Talking about the envelope, you called it 'the one that explained'. I'm not sure why, and this could just be my opinion, but I think it comes off as a bit awkward. It would sound a lot better if you wrote 'the one that explained everything' instead. I'm not sure why, but I think that it just sounds a lot smoother :)

Secondly and lastly, I thought that there weren't really any transitions of his thoughts. The entire time, he just began randomly thinking of different things, like the time he first met Amy. There wasn't really anything to remind him of that. I think it would be a good idea to, before putting the next song lyric, you could write a couple of sentences transitioning from one thought to the next. That way it wouldn't seem as though he was just randomly thinking about things.

Overall, wonderful story! I think you're a great writer! These were just my opinions, so of course you can ignore them. Those tips were just what I personally thought would improve your story :)

Amazing story! I hearted!

-Stephanie

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