Brooklyn, Brooklyn, Take Me In

1 chapter / 679 words

Approximately 3 minutes to read

Description:

He's done. He's leaving. And he's going back to the city he once shunned. Inspired completely by the song "I And Love And You" by the Avett Brothers. You could call it a songfic.

Genres: Short Story

Tags: avett brothers songfic sad new york brooklyn i and love and you

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Comments {20}

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Th_starry_night

almost 5 years ago nikki woolums said:

This was really great! I loved how you mixed the song and rhyming to help tell the story. I been looking on here for a story like this that combines writing with music. And I hope you expand this and use more songs by the Avett brothers or other artist to tell a longer story about Amy, what happens to him when he gets to Brooklyn, and other story lines!

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almost 5 years ago Kiezer Henderson said:

This is really good, and I really enjoyed the idea! I've actually done the same thing, but made a poem out of it. I should actually post that up... I'll get around to it. ANYWAY! Very good! The first bit, as the other person said, reminds me of Dean.. but, that's what I get for watching Supernatural while reading all this!

ANYWAY, again.

As I said, you did a fantastic job and I really like the concept of doing it for a book. It was pulled off and weaved in very nicely! I honestly went and listened to the song after I read it too.

Stay extraordinary!~

*Sorry for the late reply!

Lanterns

almost 5 years ago Josephine said:

I also thought this was very unique there are not much stories who have song lyrics weaved in between. Maybe we should have a genre here on figment called 'songfic'. It might even catch on. :D

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almost 5 years ago Classy-Queen said:

This was amazing! I love the poetic style you used for this piece. You had me hooked from the beginning. You've got talent, please keep writing! You deserve a follow for this. :)

Reviews {2}

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almost 5 years ago Garima Gupta said:

This was great and I loved how you included the song lyrics in between the story! That was very unique and made this stand out to me! My only suggestion would be to work on some of your transitions to help the story flow together better!

Meehhhhhh

almost 5 years ago Stephanie Nicole said:

This was a very interesting story and I loved how you used a song and turned it into a story! It adds a touch of uniqueness to a story that isn't of the most original variety.

The writing was great, and there weren't any grammar mistakes, at least none that really stood out to me. I don't have a lot to say about this story, sine it was already so well done. Just two things that I think you could possibly improve on.

Talking about the envelope, you called it 'the one that explained'. I'm not sure why, and this could just be my opinion, but I think it comes off as a bit awkward. It would sound a lot better if you wrote 'the one that explained everything' instead. I'm not sure why, but I think that it just sounds a lot smoother :)

Secondly and lastly, I thought that there weren't really any transitions of his thoughts. The entire time, he just began randomly thinking of different things, like the time he first met Amy. There wasn't really anything to remind him of that. I think it would be a good idea to, before putting the next song lyric, you could write a couple of sentences transitioning from one thought to the next. That way it wouldn't seem as though he was just randomly thinking about things.

Overall, wonderful story! I think you're a great writer! These were just my opinions, so of course you can ignore them. Those tips were just what I personally thought would improve your story :)

Amazing story! I hearted!

-Stephanie

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