The girl with the bat wings
13 chapters / 9748 words
Approximately about 1 hour to read
Description:
When you're a monster, a beast, demon, you don't get out that much, do you? Well, now it's time for one bat girl to get out and have the time of her life. I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED THIS STORY WHICH HAS TAKEN ME FOREVER TO WRITE! So now I have finished one story, I can start another and you can finish this one! As you can see the title isn't that original, if anyone has any ideas of what I could use for a name I would be really grateful to hear it, thanks!
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over 1 year ago Maya Quai Abondya Rose said:
So, I was going to post a comment, but practically every time I do that, it ends up being so long that I have to make it a review, so I'm just going to start here. This is a really good piece. The writing and dialogue are really good. I just have a couple of things. It seems kind of rushed. I would try to drag it out a little more and add more description. Your writing is a bit confusing sometimes, so I would proofread it to make sure it all makes sense. There is also a bit of a problem with verb tense that should probably be fixed. Other than that, this is really good. I've only read the first...four chapters...? Yeah, I think it's four, but it's already really good. The bat girl is so sweet. As for the title idea, I have a couple. I do actually like your current one, but if you're looking for a different one, these are my ideas: They Call Me Demon, Made To Be Alone, (I like taking quotes from the story and turning them into titles,) or Half. Hope you like one of them! Really good story! :)
over 1 year ago GrandOverlord~[Lara] said:
I'm not really one for the very mature stories, but I like your writing style, if it is a bit vague. The title needs work; maybe if you're going for a myth-y sound- The Loconia Demon, which I would prefer myself, or Bat Spirit. I dunno, it's just my preference.
Your introduction is superb; it's not a writing dump, but it has enough information to tide us over.
I feel that if you elaborated more on your thoughts, you could get a little farther with this, but other than that, there were no grammar mistakes that I found, nor spelling.
over 1 year ago IDH said:
I think this has potential. I think some of the dialogue could be worked, and maybe polish some sentences, remove some of the parentheses. I read a few chapters and liked the interaction between the monster girl and Sandy. You write strong characters too.
over 1 year ago Rebekah Paramore said:
I was confused at who was narrating at first, but once I got it figured out, the story flowed very nicely! Great concept and nice job!
over 1 year ago Arkady Adler said:
It wasn't the sort of thing I usually read, but I think your writing voice is very good.
over 1 year ago 'Liza the Writer said:
Emma, write the next chapter. NOW!!!