Assassin Strike

2 chapters / 1344 words

Approximately 7 minutes to read


This is my first real attempt at writing. Also, I've never written in third person before. Hope you like it!

"Erik Ledger was just a normal teenager who wanted a normal life.
Erik's parents had died when he was little. He never even really knew them. The only thing he had to remember them by was a warning on a piece of paper.

Erik was an outsider at school. He had no friends, none of the teachers liked him, nobody seemed to notice him. Until now.

Little does Erik know; the warning on the piece of paper that his parents had given him is about to come to use when Erik starts noticing strange people in cloaks following him. The warning? 'Run.'"

Genres: Writing, Action, Adventure

Tags: assassin assassination fantasy dagger secret stealth

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Comments {17}

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about 5 years ago Gabbi Struble said:

I always love these kind of stories. The first chapter is great. I love the ending of it, especially Talbott's last words. It's like "Ha! Take that!" Following you.

Senior pic

about 5 years ago Rowley said:

The scenes are intense and well described. :)

Econ 25

about 5 years ago Dorothy said:

I really enjoyed this. Like...a lot. Maybe keep the suspense Constant? I got bored at a couple of parts so on that. Also, some of the dialogue was very cliche. Make it more...unique...

The fight was one of the boring parts for me. Try to...don't lighten up on all the wonderful description but try to keep up the energy WHILE you describe.

I didn't see all that much grammatical issues... But read it out loud in an energetic voice moving with the mood, that helps get rid of those stiff parts, and if you see a part that doesn't really have an energetic way of saying it, change it so that it does.

Good job!!!!!!!!!


about 5 years ago X said:

Wow this was powerful. Beautiful idea written flawlessly, keep it up! Can't wait to read more from you :)

Reviews {3}

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about 5 years ago Sierra Gabriella said:

I really liked the first chapter, and the stuff that happened there was really cool, and I liked it. The second chapter was okay, but not as good as the first. It moved fast. And it makes me think Carl has a more significant role that we think. I hope yuo add more onto it. I will follow you too see. I liked it, and I think it would be better if you pushed off the finding of "Jack Frost," until a chapter or two alter on, instead of just rushing into the action. The first chapter is a pretty good hook in itself(:

good luck.


about 5 years ago Jackie S. Falcon said:

I read the first chapter, and let me tell you, IT"S AMAZING! I would have read more, but I'm in a hurry. You're writing is really great. Love the descriptions and the action scenes. Especially your dialogue.

A quick note, though, you say there's no light down in the basement. But he's writing a letter?? Just wondering about that.

Loved it, though. GREAT job! I don't have much to critique at all.

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