Approximately 4 minutes to read
Thank you so much to everyone who made it possible for this to win first in the Phone Contest! =]
Brea could have prevented it all. But she hadn't. If she had only said just one word...
Writing, Suspense, Short Story
This story made me:
over 6 years ago Tom "JellyBean Sjöden" Stack said:
This is so good! I love your detail and I can see why this one.
over 6 years ago Anon Y. Mouse said:
this was AMAZING! I love your detail and descriptions. the only porblem was yo usay " not one else unharmed"
i think you mean no one else. also, i love how yo switch between different scenes. very creative!
over 6 years ago Puppy Smile said:
This is the best story I ever heard.
over 6 years ago Boolea said:
I really liked this. I loved the details and descriptions. Very good. It made me really sad.
over 6 years ago Julia Joules said:
Wow, this piece is really good. I can see why it won a contest. So I really like the voice you put into this. It was easy to see who the main character was and what she was like. I also liked the way you described Geren, interesting name by the way, by only using flashbacks and thoughts gradually, so we figured out what happened delicately, instead of all at once. The plot of this story was also interesting, and I like how things sort of went in a circle, but how things were still different the second time. In addition the line “Shock. Disbelief. Denial. Despair.” was one of my favorites because the syntax is so short in order to get the point and mood across. However, the one suggestion on this piece that I have is changing the word “Shock.” One reason for this is because the other three words start with a “d” and if that whole paragraph? Line? Whatever you call it had only words that started with D, that would be cool. Also, while shock and disbelief are different, they are still relatively similar in comparison with the other words. Although finding a better word to use might be extremely hard, and that line still sounds good as it is. Overall, this piece had a great tone, plot and format. Keep up the great work. :) oh, and it could use some images.