Approximately 35 minutes to read
This story made me:
over 5 years ago Nella Ladne said:
I read the first couple chapters and they were really good! However, some of the typo's were really distracting. I suggest rereading your piece to look for them. Also, check your dialogue structure and tense changes. Other than that, I love that plot and can't wait to read the rest when I have time. Great job! :)
over 5 years ago Papa Paul said:
I'll have to admit... The beginning was pretty goshdarn good! It sucked me right in there to finish the story!
I liked it. You described things with such grace that I had no choice but to like it. Great job!
Keep writing and good luck!
almost 6 years ago Nadege Richards said:
Here for the swap!!
Ahhhhhhhh! You need to finish this! Your imagery is just do ... Superb! And I love your writing style, its very fluid! Gawsh, I just loved this!
about 6 years ago Audrey Manners said:
fantastic! keep going!
about 6 years ago Blazin'Andy said:
I have to say that I absolutely loved the prologue, it was amazing. I wouldn't change anything. Great detailing.
A few things bothered me though. First chapter was great, it was a great shock, but it seems like you jumped right into the action. There seemed to be no story or anything leading up to the moment to where HE met HER.
The chapter after, it seemed odd to me that she'd killed and was being persecuted by another girl. Again, it would had been fine if you would had developed the story a little more, leading up to her explanation.
Other than that, I think you have a GREAT story line :] Keep working at it, and I'll love to read more of it. ^^ Keep me posted.