Approximately 35 minutes to read
This story made me:
over 5 years ago Rina Fuller said:
I loved this! I was instantly interested and it kept me interested! Please keep up the good work.:)
over 5 years ago SilenceofSpeech said:
I loved the prologue and your descriptions. However, everything else needs to be polished up. It seems too rushed and awkward. Your female MC doesn't seem to get enough character development at all. In a way I wonder if this aren't seperate chapters from throughout your story. I don't mean to be rude but I think you have a lot of work to do. Your concept and basis is good but you need more.
over 5 years ago M.A.Chase said:
This was very good! Your imagery was wonderful! When I have more time I'll continue reading!
over 5 years ago TemptedFiction said:
So I read the prologue and chapter one, nice job so far! The way you described the dream and th eyes in the prologue was amazing. I want to know why this Diana girl is so important.
about 6 years ago Blazin'Andy said:
I have to say that I absolutely loved the prologue, it was amazing. I wouldn't change anything. Great detailing.
A few things bothered me though. First chapter was great, it was a great shock, but it seems like you jumped right into the action. There seemed to be no story or anything leading up to the moment to where HE met HER.
The chapter after, it seemed odd to me that she'd killed and was being persecuted by another girl. Again, it would had been fine if you would had developed the story a little more, leading up to her explanation.
Other than that, I think you have a GREAT story line :] Keep working at it, and I'll love to read more of it. ^^ Keep me posted.