Approximately 4 minutes to read
This story made me:
6 months ago Amaradevi Prohm said:
In your introduction paragraph, your hook seem to be the strongest thing that allowed the readers to engage themselves to your story. However, once you continued on to your body paragraph it seem to get a little foggy. I refer you should start of with a strong claim that continues to grab the reader's attention. You don't want them to get bored while reading your essay.
6 months ago Eric Han said:
It was a nice read but I feel like the thesis was all over the place. Stick to one main point of growing up and organize all those other thoughts of growing up that were on the paper. Use those thoughts to lead up and connect to the main point. You also had some run on sentences and grammatical errors but I enjoyed reading it, especially since it was relatable to me situation wise. You also managed to convey your emotions despite the messiness.
6 months ago Alejo Castillon said:
Nice emotional memoir; I enjoyed reading it. A few run-ons and grammatical errors throughout the memoir so I'd suggest reading it over aloud to catch them. Use of better diction can help to strengthen your essay and make sentences flow better. Really strong introduction. Change "means" to "meant" in the last sentence of the second paragraph to keep your tenses aligned. Overall, a really good memoir and your topic made for an interesting read.