Bus No. 43: Quest

1 chapter / 3945 words

Approximately 20 minutes to read

Description:

A runaway queen, an abandoned school bus, a long lost princess, and a mysterious boy who claims he knows what is going on. Things have already gone dreadfully wrong.
(I'm sorry, I've scrapped most of it again. I don't think I'm ready to write this one yet)

Genres: Fantasy, Romance, Novel

Tags: lgbt abandoned schoolbus queen princess kingdom magical kingdom devil deals with the devil contemporary fantasy runaway polyamory

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2 months ago KKTheArtist said:

Overall, this is a very good story and I look forward to reading more. Keep up the great work!

Reviews {3}

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about 1 month ago Ava Snow said:

She hadn’t slept through the night in (FOR) over a week, and it showed

Every night, she would lie awake, staring across the king-sized bed to the empty space where Nathaniel used to sleep , (REMOVE COMMA) until finally, she couldn’t take it anymore.

The walkway continued as the forest petered out as the ground turned to rock. It lead (LED) Clarissa to the base of a cliff, where the door was hidden beneath layers of moss.

Clarissa had been here before, but she still had to feel around to find it. She knocked, (REMOVE COMMA) and then waited.

Clarissa whipped around, (REMOVE COMMA)  and found herself face to face with the man who, until recently, she would have said she feared more than death, and (RUN ON SENTENCE. BREAK THE SENTENCE UP OR CUT IT) he was wearing a bathrobe.

Luxillian was a handsome man, but he was handsome the way a venomous snake was handsome (TO REDUNDONE USE ANOTHER WORD THAN HANDSOME) : beautiful enough to watch warily from a distance, but to be kept far, far away from anything worth caring about. But now, Clarissa was here, standing in his home, and she was clearly not doing either.

I LOVE THE NAME LUXILLIAN!

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about 1 month ago Brooke Coffey said:

"Graduation" Review. (if you find what I say helpful, I would be willing to read and review more of this, because i really enjoyed your writing.

I could really relate to the feeling of this peace, one because it was on par with how it feels to graduate, but two because my maiden name is Stanley so I was always close to last to be called on for everything.

You shouldn't hate on the way you wrote that speech. I was actually thinking how good it was as I read it, I thought perhaps it was a speech you had actually given! There's one time where she says "like" in it, and while it's up to you, and it makes her character dialogue more human, I also think you have made her into a poised, articulate person and so I don't think that sounds like her.

I really love your descriptiveness through out this peace!!

I really don't have anything I would change, just based on this chapter is looks really good!!

Let me know if you would like me to review more bits! I can't access your last two chapters...

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